WHAT THE BOOK SAYS

This is all about what to say and how to say it, so you can get more from every conversation. It works through a number of talk essentials, and then offers 50 ways of saying things right.
Essential points:
The words you use determine your success in life, relationships, your job and in business.
iContact or eye contact: proper conversations are always better than using technology, or being distracted by it when talking.
Everything can be misunderstood:

“I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure that what you think you heard is what I meant.” Unknown

Paralinguistics looks at the melody and tone of what is said, not just the words. Paralanguage is vital to empathetic conversation.
Prosody is the rhythm, stress and intonation of speech.
Listen and silent are spelled with same letters: the rhythm of talking and listening is vital to effective communication.
The primacy-recency effect: we remember best the first item of information presented to us. We remember second best the information that comes last. So beginnings and endings are crucial.

WHAT’S GOOD ABOUT IT

Avoid closed questions that only require a yes or no answer: they kill conversation. Turn them into open ones that encourage discussion.
Tone down the uptalk – ending a statement with an upward inflection. It reduces your authority because it makes all your points sound like an uncertain question.
Interject, don’t interrupt: build on their comments in suitable gaps.
When you X, I feel Y, because Z. Thomas Gordon’s principle of ‘I’ messages relates to how you feel about a situation and any distress it may be causing. X = behaviour, Y = feeling and Z =consequence.
Don’t tell me about the white bear: telling people not to think of something makes them think of it.
“Try to pose for yourself this task: not to think of a polar bear, and you will see that the cursed thing will come to mind every minute.” Dostoevsky
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.