The one-sentence summary

Instant connections can be magic, and there’s a lot more you can do make it happen than you might think.


  • Instant connections can be magic – you meet someone new and you just hit it off, or click.
  • There are lots of components that make this happen:
  1. Magic matters: we should pay more attention to the euphoria moment and be aware that we can foster such moments.
  2. Power in vulnerability: most of us don’t want to let our guard down but when we do we are more likely to connect effectively.
  3. A few feet = a big difference: proximity matters and the closer we are the more we are likely to click.
  4. Resonance begets resonance: flow, being in the zone, being fully present, and really paying attention resonates with others to great effect.
  5. Similarity counts & quantity trumps quality: any shared item brings people together, even a birthday.
  6. The environment can foster intimacy: where people are makes a huge difference to the likelihood of clicking, and usually it’s not the office.
  7. Certain people are magnets: they are high self-monitors (see next).
  8. Quick-set intimacy brings out the best in us: quick and instant works well – click first and we all perform better.


  • It’s well written, and there’s a flow diagram that summarises the logic at the end of each chapter.
  • The magical state of quick-set intimacy leads to personal elevation – people raise their game and perform better.
  • Click accelerators than carry things onward: vulnerability is demonstrated through transactions (body language etc.) and connective factors (gut-feel).
  • Although the proximity point seems evident enough, there is an exponential increase in clicking and spontaneous conversations that many international organisations now fail to benefit from.
  • Presence has four important elements: intentionality (sense of purpose), mutuality (being open and available), individuality (being authentic), attentiveness (actively listening).
  • The best clickers are high self-monitors, who:
  1. Have fluid personalities
  2. Modulate emotional expression
  3. Quickly incorporate norms
  4. Manage others’ perceptions
  5. Act as networks


  • Not much. This is nicely observed and backed with decent research.