The one sentence summary
Fear is natural but if you deal with it effectively you can find your true voice and live a fulfilled life.
- The cause of your dis-ease may well be the level of unspoken fear underlying your day-to-day actions.
- Fear spoils your fun, keeps you small, betrays your trust, restricts your mental freedom and shackles your expectations. This can lead to the tragedy of low expectations.
- There are 4 basic types of response to fear: fight, flight, freeze, appease. But it can be much more complicated than that.
- In-the-moment fear can be as simple as missing a shot or messing up a speech. It is relatively easy to identify and understand.
- Not-good-enough fear is more complex. It includes feeling that nothing you do feels good enough, you’ve stopped trying, or your relationships are suffering. Strategies for dealing with it include: process it, distract from it and rationalise it. See it, face it and replace it with something else.
- Winning shallow is when you get what you wanted but remain unsatisfied.
- Winning deep is real fulfilment.
- Always wanting more is relative – the idea that what you have is more important than what you are.
- The scarcity myth says that there isn’t enough winning to go round, but it’s a myth that there must always be winners and losers.
- Success myths include:
- Losing turns you into a loser
- Fear is the best motivator
- Only the fittest survive
- If you’re not in, you’re out
- Feelings are for failures
- You need to sacrifice
WHAT’S GOOD ABOUT IT
- Fear-full environments are unhealthy and usually promoted by inappropriate leaders. Their behaviour includes passive-aggressive, predatory, power-based and possessive.
- The Hawaii suite is when someone is deliberately excluded from conversations that would help them function well, but they are still subject to performance expectations.
- Horoscopey is a derogatory word to describe views that are unscientific, unproven and therefore invalid – in other words, I dismiss your opinion.
- Obeying rules isn’t the same as buying in.
- There is too much battlefield language in life – suggesting that everything is a fight when it might not be.
- Fear is the thief of fulfilment. It gets distorted into other things such as staying separate from others, being jealous, perfectionism and self-criticism. You can replace this with a different story or purpose, dreams, desires, passion and laughter.
WHAT YOU HAVE TO WATCH
- The amount of resonance in this book will depend on the relationship the reader has with fear – an already content reader will find less of interest than a fearful one.