The one sentence summary

There are plenty of approaches that women can use to combat poor behaviour by men in the workplace.

 

WHAT THE BOOK SAYS

  • This is a survival manual for a sexist workplace. It contains a series of suggestions about how to combat sexist, subtly sexist, overtly sexist, and sometimes just oblivious behaviour that exists even in the most progressive offices.
  • It identifies various ways to know the enemy – that is to say men, who perpetuate the patriarchy. Their types and behaviour include:
  • The Manterrupter, who consistently interrupts women when they speak. Coping strategies include just carrying on speaking, getting other women to interrupt men, leaning in physically to assert authority, and establishing a no interrupt rule with all team members, regardless of sex.
  • The Bropropriator, who appropriates credit for work and ideas generated by women. Coping strategies include saying your original idea loudly and forcibly from the outset, thanking the man for picking up on your idea so fast, getting a male wingman to repeat that it was your idea, and keeping an evidence dossier.
  • The Stenographucker, who treats you like a secretary and asks you to take notes in the meeting or make coffee. Strategies for this include saying you don’t know how to make decent coffee, that taking notes puts women in a subordinate position and stops them speaking, arranging for a male colleague to agree to take notes, and not volunteering in the first place, which women are more likely to do than men.
  • The Mansplainer, who patronisingly explains everything to women, regardless of whether he truly understands it. Strategies include asking: Are you an expert in this? or stating that you are.
  • The Himitator, who restates what you said in a different way and makes it sound like it was their idea. Strategies include saying thanks for giving feedback on my idea, confronting them, and repeating exactly the same thing after they have spoken to reclaim ownership.
  • The Menstruhater, who assumes that any time a direct assertion is stated by a woman it must be ‘the wrong time of the month.’ Strategies: diss and dismiss (“No, I am not on my period”), keeping calm and carrying on, or saying: “If I seem angry, that’s because I am, because you have jeopardised x.”
  • Other types include those who undermine (ignore them or work out the psychology of why they do it), work social events that are all-male (join in or start your own), and hoverers (move your desk to have your back against the wall, or stand up and move off).
  • On the other side of the equation, women need to adjust their own approach and stop self-sabotage. For example:
  • The Office Mom volunteers for far too much when she doesn’t need to.
  • The Credit Defaulter always passes on the credit to someone lese when they are praised.
  • The Doormat is afraid to say no.
  • The Contortionist makes herself look small and childish by curling up in meetings.
  • The Permassistant always takes on menial admin tasks.
  • The Humble Bragger fails to announce her achievements.
  • The Ever-Faithful stays loyal to the company when it is not rewarding her properly.
  • The Womenemy are women who undermine each other detrimentally.
  • The Impost-her lacks confidence and always assumes that she is just about to be found out as being not good enough for the role.
  • The Herfectionist assumes they need every criterion to apply for or be successful at a job. Men think 60% competence is enough.
  • The Nervous Rambler does not sound authoritative in meetings regardless of their true skill.
  • The Burnout simply takes on too much. All these approaches are to be avoided. Women also need to be more assertive when they speak. Classic examples and styles to avoid include:
  • The Over Apologizer, who says sorry all the time.
  • The Upspeaker, who finishes every sentence with an upward inflection to seek approval, but actually conveys uncertainty instead.
  • Hedging, as in “I’m not sure if this is right but…”
  • “I feel like…” should be replaced with more emphatic statements.
  • Like, totally, for real, seriously: this is “Valley Girl speak”, not for offices.
  • Talking like a sexy baaabby (dragging out words)
  • Adding kisses and emojis after emails and texts
  • Office stereotypes abound, including the idea that female bosses are the worst, being described as bitchy, bossy and too ambitious (something that is rarely levelled at men), a nag, a gossip, “she’s too nice to lead the team”, you don’t like an engineer/coder, pyscho alert (she’s just crazy), being seen as permanently angry, unsmiling, being the only woman in the room/department, and the old cliché that “there weren’t any qualified female candidates”. Women should be aware of these stereotypes and try not to confirm them if at all possible.